Moving Forward Finally

12 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Thyroiditis - my life changed but I didn't know it yet. I was originally diagnosed after my oldest was born with pregnancy induced hypothyroidism (that was 19 years ago) ... The roller coaster has been a ride for sure and my hope is to share my stories and what I have learned and even what the doctors have learned from me. Hashimotos is most mid-diagnosed thyroid disorder in women in this country and if you don't have a good doctor your life will forever be damaged. It is stressful on marriage and relationships in your life. You will be convinced that you are imagining it and that your mind is crazy - fatigue and memory loss along with weight gain and pains and aches - migraines and not being able to concentrate at work and in daily life ... All symptoms of thyroid problems ... If you struggle with any of these I hope my story will help you ...

Remember ....

..I have 2 amazing kids, that are now 19 and 16 ... they are my world and they bring me life and joy everyday. My 19 year old goes to art school in Chicago at Columbia and just grabs life by the wings and soars (regardless she has severe anxiety and is determined to do it all on her own). She has always loved the big city and I always knew she would move away from home when she was able - and I love her for everything she is.  My son, he will stay close to home. He is talented and amazing and wants to be an architectural engineer ... he does what everyone said he couldn't do (at the age of 16) and knows what he wants in life - he has an amazing girlfriend that I love dearly and think the world of.  

My kids make me laugh and smile and have fun when I am around them.  They make me remember what it is like to be young. To have the world by the tail and to have dreams and goals ... to have no cares as to what people think of you and to want to life life to the fullest.  And yet adults will watch them, our younger generation, and stereotype and make accusations and accuse.

I have been out with my son several times most recently when our older generation will comment to him or say things ... tonight we were out and he was laughing and having fun with his girlfriend and this older woman looked at him and said 'why don't you try and act mature'....and the funny thing was I was having fun with them and actually pulled him out of the way so he wasn't in her way ... my son was in awe that he was laughing and having fun and this person commented to him... as my daughter and I discussed it later I told her it's like the older generation has forgotten what it's like to have fun, to be young, to be carefree...

That's exactly it she said!!  When did people forget what smiling and laughing and having fun was like. To be young again. Why do adults think that as we age we can't have fun, or laugh or enjoy life. When did this misconception come into play? I think it's sad that we try to steal this joy and life from our younger generation, as unintentional as it may be, it has happened. We have become a generation that is forcing our kids to grow up and not even enjoy life....

The Clouds Have Lifted

It's been almost 2 years since I posted ... And my daughter is helping me get set back up to start blogging again and she said 'Mom I can't read those old posts because they are dark' ... She said 'it was terrible back then with the cluster headaches' .... Took me back and me reminisce and it was dark - I was in pain almost all the time. There would be a remission period sometimes but would only last days. It exhausted me. 

Two years later I am almost totally pain free except for the occasional headache which is a breeze for me to cope with...I have changed my lifestyle among other things and have learned so much after allowing these headaches to previously run my life and debilitate me ... I have changed my eating habits - had surgeries - cut out foods that were killing me and we don't even know it - and so much more  ... 

Strike Me Down

So last night I was pain free finally after 2 weeks ... Spent the evening with my bestie having a blast hanging out at home and listening to tunes. This morning I wake up and the demon is back..can I not get a break from these? This one almost sent me to the ER but I barreled through it at home. The pain is the most awful indescribable pain. How do I tell people about these. When they say oh you have another headache .... It's NOT a headache. I read an article this week that described as the worlds worst pain a human can experience. It's like you just want to be dead, put me out of my misery during the attack. It's like lightening strikes through my brain ... Stabbing and pulsing. When the attack is over you're exhausted. And today I actually got sick, first time ever. My husband wants us to consult with a pain and headache specialist because they aren't going to go away. So I might as well learn to tolerate them. After 17 years so far isn't that what I have been doing?

Pain Pain Go Away

So it's Friday and I should be glad it's the end of the week..the weekend is here and we have fun stuff planned.  Instead after only a few hours of sleep I am awakened yet again by the monster I have lived with for half of my life. My husband knows the sign and he recognizes my breathing, the holding of my head again, me saying over and over that I can't do this anymore. I am 43 years old and was only 'diagnosed' as little as 6 years ago. An yet there is still no relief and no cute for these monsters. I'm not alone but yet only .1% of the population share in this pain. Thag number is so small and yet there are so many of us. And my daughter now knows the pain at the young age of 17. The mystery behind these is as unreal as the degree of pain we experience because of them.  Not to mention the exhaustion once they do finally break. 

People ask me can't you take a medicine for it...can't the doctor give you something stronger. The problem is nothing touches these. Some have committed suicide over the intensity and pain from them labkng them suicide headaches. As women are stricken by them we compare them to being worse than labor. I would agree with that. They take over your life and become the center of your being because the pain becomes you. It consumes you and devours you. 

I am a mother with responsibilities and a career and a life. My husband is worn out with not wanting to see me suffer anymore and frustration of there being no cure. Those closest to me know the pattern and those new to my life have to have it explained that if I don't talk to you without reason or I look like I'm 'bothered' by just your presence then the monster has come to visit again.  

So yes today is Friday but for now all I say is to make it to the next hour and have a break from the pain I have had for 5 days this time would be the best gift today...

Enough is Enough

I used to think I could just learn to live with these headaches .... But I'm wore out and tired and frankly exhausted. The periods of remission are not as great any longer and now to top it off my daughter suffers from them....is it not enough that my family watches my pain and can't do anything to help other than try to comfort?