Strike Me Down

So last night I was pain free finally after 2 weeks ... Spent the evening with my bestie having a blast hanging out at home and listening to tunes. This morning I wake up and the demon is back..can I not get a break from these? This one almost sent me to the ER but I barreled through it at home. The pain is the most awful indescribable pain. How do I tell people about these. When they say oh you have another headache .... It's NOT a headache. I read an article this week that described as the worlds worst pain a human can experience. It's like you just want to be dead, put me out of my misery during the attack. It's like lightening strikes through my brain ... Stabbing and pulsing. When the attack is over you're exhausted. And today I actually got sick, first time ever. My husband wants us to consult with a pain and headache specialist because they aren't going to go away. So I might as well learn to tolerate them. After 17 years so far isn't that what I have been doing?

Pain Pain Go Away

So it's Friday and I should be glad it's the end of the week..the weekend is here and we have fun stuff planned.  Instead after only a few hours of sleep I am awakened yet again by the monster I have lived with for half of my life. My husband knows the sign and he recognizes my breathing, the holding of my head again, me saying over and over that I can't do this anymore. I am 43 years old and was only 'diagnosed' as little as 6 years ago. An yet there is still no relief and no cute for these monsters. I'm not alone but yet only .1% of the population share in this pain. Thag number is so small and yet there are so many of us. And my daughter now knows the pain at the young age of 17. The mystery behind these is as unreal as the degree of pain we experience because of them.  Not to mention the exhaustion once they do finally break. 

People ask me can't you take a medicine for it...can't the doctor give you something stronger. The problem is nothing touches these. Some have committed suicide over the intensity and pain from them labkng them suicide headaches. As women are stricken by them we compare them to being worse than labor. I would agree with that. They take over your life and become the center of your being because the pain becomes you. It consumes you and devours you. 

I am a mother with responsibilities and a career and a life. My husband is worn out with not wanting to see me suffer anymore and frustration of there being no cure. Those closest to me know the pattern and those new to my life have to have it explained that if I don't talk to you without reason or I look like I'm 'bothered' by just your presence then the monster has come to visit again.  

So yes today is Friday but for now all I say is to make it to the next hour and have a break from the pain I have had for 5 days this time would be the best gift today...

Enough is Enough

I used to think I could just learn to live with these headaches .... But I'm wore out and tired and frankly exhausted. The periods of remission are not as great any longer and now to top it off my daughter suffers from them....is it not enough that my family watches my pain and can't do anything to help other than try to comfort?